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Michelle Ma's avatar

I don't like the ending, "serene, azure." I think azure is an overused word. It's smashed into so many poems. But it's otherwise a great translation. You might better say, "Serene and bright, clear blue"

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Caitlin Brady's avatar

I do like the ending. The double syllables and similar sounds of serene and azure mirror each other. the word azure doesn't feel smashed here or out of place. to me it's evoking the color of the aegean and the ionian seas. im confused tho...what is this a translation of? or is it from your imagination? either way nice poem.

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